[ESPN's Dream Job is finally here - so I'm posting my experience in tryouts last year. Enjoy.] So it was a cold morning, dark, and I took a half day off work to go down to the ESPN Zone at 11th and E to stand in line for the ESPN Dream Job Contest. I didn’t think there would be a ton of people there – but when I showed up about an hour and a half before the thing was supposed to start, the line had already stretched down to the Borders at the end of the block. Twenty minutes later, it was around the block, so I was glad I came early.

The line moved very, very slowly. A woman and local reporters were going up and down the line interviewing people. An ESPN crew with a camera was going along asking people for their “catchphrases.” I was behind a group of guys from the University of Maryland who were funny when they were talking to each other, but froze once the camera came around. They had us fill out about three different forms about ourselves. Various sponsors handed out trinkets. They ran out of pencils and pens.

There was this one staffer who was just a total jerk to everybody, a short balding guy in a referee’s uniform who I later learned was one of the interviewers. But for whatever reason, he refused to answer any questions from folks in the line, and was taking people in who were cutting in line. I later learned that these were the people who had sent in tapes ahead of time, but he never explained that, and a lot of people were pissed at him for his apparent favoritism.

It took forever for me to get down to the front of the line. I finally went in just before noon with a group of about 10 people, including the Maryland kids, and one of the tape-senders, a short smart Indian guy. First they took us into the lower room at ESPN Zone, where there’s that basketball game from the late 1980s that’s permanently broken. We sat at long tables and had to take a sports knowledge quiz. Various ESPN lackeys told us that the quiz was timed, and very hard, and no one had gotten 100% all morning, so we should relax and do our best. I aced all the football questions, got some of the baseball and basketball questions, and crashed and burned on nearly all the hockey/Olympics questions. They didn’t tell us our total, but they told us how we ranked, and I came in second. The easiest question was: “What was Joe Namath’s number?” The hardest (for me) was: “The Calder Memorial Trophy is awarded annually to which NHL player?” Duh, Rookie of the Year (McErlain would kill me).

Then we went out and stood on the stairway for a while, until they took us into the ESPN Zone midlevel rooms with closed off sliding glass doors. Inside were several local radio DJs and sports figures – I didn’t know them all, but they included: JP from the Junkies, Mark from the 94.7 morning show, the big black dude who opens Wizards games, and a couple other people I didn’t recognize. Chamique Holdsclaw came in midway thru. We stood around a couple of tables put together, and the panelists stood on one side. A tall guy from ESPN was managing the whole thing – he was asking sharp, quick questions, moving things along, making notes as we talked. He would ask each panelist to give us a question, and then we’d debate it, like some massive uncontrolled PTI.

So this is a little weird, but: I was in the same group as Washington Times writer Patrick Hruby, who wrote about the whole thing later. You can find his article here.

I didn’t even realize he was a reporter during the thing, except that he didn’t come in with the rest of us. But it was definitely him, because when they asked us to (right off the bat) do a call of a favorite sports moment, he did that stupid thing about Canseco that he wrote about (and I seriously doubt anyone else did that). I did the only thing I could think of: the old Russ Hodges “The Giants Win the Pennant! The Giants Win the Pennant!” In retrospect, I would’ve done the Miracle on Ice call, but I just wasn’t thinking about it ahead of time…

When Hruby writes about “the loud people,” I’m sure he’s probably including me – but I hadn’t gone in intending to be loud, it was just that whenever they asked a question, there would be dead silence for a couple of seconds. I felt like jumping in, and I think I talked on all but two questions (the ones about boxing and NASCAR), and I have a pretty deep voice, so it probably sounded louder than it was. JP asked a football question, about the best team in the NFL (I said the Colts). Someone else asked a baseball question. When Holdsclaw came in, the ESPN dude asked the inevitable “how can the WNBA be successful” question, and I (foolishly) answered it the best I could. But I think I scored some points with a few comments by making a couple people laugh and trying to be animated and quick on my feet.

In all, I would say that the Indian dude and I talked the most of anyone in the room. Some people just clammed up – I probably heard two words out of the UMD guys after they struggled through their calls. And one guy just kept making mistakes, getting shot down.

After about 10-15 minutes, the folks walked away from the table and left us, then the tall ESPN guy (I guess that was David Jacoby) came back and said thanks, they’d be in touch. We all filed out, but then another bearded guy grabbed me and the Indian dude and said that we were getting callbacks, so he needed us to fill out some paperwork and schedule a time to come back later that night. Apparently the other people got to do more things (like interview LaVar Arrington, Michael Wilbon, etc.) during their approval period, but I didn’t.

The paperwork took forever. It was literally 30 pages long. Favorite sports moments, what do you like about sportscenter, what do you hate about sportscenter, favorite anchor, craziest thing you’ve done in the name of sports, etc. etc. etc. I tried to get through it as fast as I could.

I had a callback for later that night, but when I showed up, the place was clearly working on a delay. Everyone was behind. I ended up standing around for an hour, commiserating with the Indian guy at the bar. Redskins WR Darnerian McCants was there, with not one but two lovely lady fans, eating a massive ice cream sundae.

Eventually I got called in to the office again, and they sat me down with this girl with glasses. Another one of the producers was there, and we talked a little bit – she was nice, chatty, thought I had an interesting job, but then she left to tape someone else’s interview and I was left with the other girl.

This is the point where I started to sour on the whole thing. The girl asked me a bunch of questions, but they were really stupid ones (from my perspective). She, too, asked me if I had any catchphrases. I said that I liked to use “I – Am – Bulletproof” and “Next time, you best bring some Kryptonite.” (SNL references, folks). She didn’t get it either.

I realized about halfway thru that the questions she was asking weren’t really designed to be about sports… but about Reality Shows.

She was asking stuff like: “How do you interact with groups?” “Do you consider yourself the center of attention?” “Do you play well with others?” She seemed a little down on the fact that I was married, and even more so when I thought that the Yankees and the Cubs would make for a better World Series than the Red Sox.

And then came the showstopper – she said, “So, tell me why your favorite baseball player is … [pause to look at page] … Sandy COWfax?”

I’m serious, folks. She mispronounced Sandy Koufax’s name. Maybe she thought my scrawl was a W instead of a U, but to not know how to say the name of one of the greatest pitchers of all time? Please. She was clearly a production person, not a sports person.

For whatever reason, I didn’t get cut right at that point. I know they sent some people home, but they asked me to hang around and shot some footage of me (which still exists, somewhere) reading the mockup highlight they’d asked me to bring in ahead of time - I wrote it out calling the Monday Night game from the night before, Packers at Bears. Afterward, the short ref guy told me that they’d “clearly seen something” in me, and they’d “be in touch”… which I took to be the cut, and it was.

I survived until there were only about 15 people left, so I felt pretty good. I saw Michael Quigley, the guy who eventually won the D.C. tryout and is now on the show, and he seemed pretty knowledgeable. I wish I had gotten the Indian dude’s name, because he seemed cool, and he was still there when I left, so I hoped he’d win.

All in all, though, I’m kinda glad I didn’t go any further. The worst situation would’ve been to win the city-wide search, but then get cut in the semis and not get on the show except for some token footage. I don’t really want to live in Connecticut, and it would’ve taken a lot to basically ask for a month of leave to do the show.

But more than that, it was clear to me that the contest really wasn’t going to be one of merit, but of style. It was less “Who Wants to Win a Dream Job” than it was, “American SportsIdol.” I wouldn’t be at all surprised if someone ends up winning who doesn’t know very much about sports, but is a comedian or an actor (I think there are four of those in the final 12), so they’re quick on their feet and capable of faking it.

In all though, it was a fun experience. I hope whoever wins has some fun on the Big Show.

(Originally posted by Ben at February 20, 2004 05:34 PM)